Halloween

I hate holidays.

Two years ago I offered to go to the corner store and purchase exactly the candy my daughter wanted instead of trick-or-treating.  She went for it.  We hit the store, a couple of houses, and Halloween was over.  It was great!

I realize it’s practically against all of America’s hopes and dreams to do such a thing.  But I don’t care.

If I were President my first act would be that of abolishing holidays.  More than likely I would be impeached, especially after I added the part about ending all televised sports.

Halloween is tomorrow.  My daughter has gotten herself so beyond excited that she’s cried four times and the actual day is not even here yet.

We took her to an activity called “Hunt For the Jersey Devil.”  The Jersey Devil is like Big Foot or the Loch Ness Monster, only in New Jersey.  First there was a lecture and then we headed out for the hike in the dark, to search for this imaginary dude. 

By the time we had walked 15 feet across the manicured lawn of the Environmental Center she was beginning to hyperventilate and sob.  “MOMMYYYY . . . I’m scared!  I wanna go inside!”  My husband pretended not to know us.  I began to giggle.

This is a kid who wants to watch any and every scary movie ever created, but reality had spanked her butt and made it obvious that, yes, she is really still a little girl.  She is 10 and already 5 feet tall.

Today at the park she wanted to hit a pinata with full force.  The problem was that if she did that then none of the other two feet tall children would get a chance to take a whack.  Plus, she was peeking.  And she’s not smart enough yet to realize that if you immediately turn directly toward the pinata, after being twirled in a circle 25 times, then everyone knows you’re peeking.  More tears.

We stayed too long at the park and she got hot in her costume.  More tears.

I am not a fan of any single holiday, other than perhaps my own birthday.  And even then I prefer keeping it a secret.  I don’t want extra pressure to make any particular day fantastically happy because then it will surely suck.

My favorite part about Halloween?  It’s almost over.