Twisted Family Antics

I used to see hot moms with dirty kids and assume it was the mother’s fault.  However, having a daughter has taught me so many lessons, particularly regarding my rash judgment of other people.  A sloppy looking child and I would immediately wonder what the mother’s problem might be: selfishness, stupidity, or laziness?  “My, my, that child is a mess and what is wrong with her mother?”

I was reading a book yesterday and it mentioned a mom’s struggle with a 2-year old daughter who had the desire to wear a “big girl dress,” something hideous and red that would clash brightly against the child’s orange hair.  I could so totally relate. 

My own daughter’s current wardrobe choices tend toward paint-splattered, old, loose & anything I don’t like.  And if there’s a big damn spot in the middle then it must be her favorite this week.  There are so, so many spots.  And when I am yelling at my husband about the fact that he does not pre-treat the wash properly it does not go over well at all.

Last year, during third grade, my lovely girl wore the same red shirt depicting the name of a college football program for more than 100 days.  She also wore crocs with no socks and stretchy gauchos daily, even in winter.  I am certain the nurse thought I was a neglectful parent.  But really I had just given up the struggle and admitted defeat.  My girl child is a Rottweiler and I am that yippy dog who scares easily.

From the clothing we move on to the hair: she does not allow me to put it up, pull it back or braid it.  I have threatened to adopt another daughter, just so I would have one that would let me do her hair.  I have begged, pleaded and cried in the hope that I would sway her hard-headed ways. 

In the end the hair always ends up just as she wants it, never the way I would like it to be.  And did I mention she never wants to wash it until it’s tangled within an inch of the dreaded filthy dreadlock?

I could accept 2 days, 3 at most, before shampooing and the eventual detangling battle.  It was never a serious problem, even though it looked a bit of a mess.  Unfortunately, due to what is probably the onset of near puberty, this has changed. 

Today I realized that I am the woman taking my child to public events with what looks like dirty hair.  I cannot even bring myself to say DIRTY HAIR.  I am aghast.

Although I don’t like doing it, I am a daily shampoo girl.  I longingly look to the woman with a pony tail or clip, something clearly thrown together without involving any water or product.  I’ve never, ever been able to do this.  I have oily hair and skin.  I’ve been told that it will keep me from having lots of wrinkles at an early age, but that’s hard to remember when I’m green with envy. 

My mother actually used to yell and complain that I used TOO MUCH shampoo, showered too often.  But then she’s nuts and you probably already know that.  She also continually told me what a great idea it would be to buy my clothing in the Men’s department, but I didn’t listen to that advice either.

If I had seen my daughter today and not known her, I would have wondered what in the hell her mother was thinking: a sweater with Christmas trees before Thanksgiving and dirty hair.

I can accept many things, but I draw the line at dirty hair.  A battle is brewing.