My Augusten Burroughs Moment
April 30, 2008
Augusten Burroughs’ new book, A Wolf At The Table, was released yesterday. Months ago I was reading his website and noticed that an event would be held at the Union Square Barnes & Noble in NYC. I put it on my calendar.
I imagined a simple book signing, but discovered it included a reading by the author himself. And my heart began to pitter-patter.
I’m not crazy for concerts. Autograph hounds and paparazzi turn me off. The idolization factor all seems so gauche.
Augusten is different.
He’s like my beloved sibling, the one willing to talk about the damage, past and present. He doesn’t pretend it didn’t happen, he doesn’t act like it doesn’t matter.
Books are my first love, my thing, and he has written five of my favorites. And since four are memoirs it feels like I know him. I love words and he uses them in indescribable ways, fantastic ways. He’s captured my heart & head, all in one, which is nearly impossible. I adore him.
So I traveled by train to the City, reading excerpts of his other books beforehand. I hurriedly walked the 20 blocks from Penn Station to Union Square so that I could arrive by five, two hours before the event would begin.
I scored front row aisle, the best unreserved seat in the house. HOLY SHIT!
There were 300 seats, probably 100 filled upon my arrival. I would like to thank them all for not stealing my chair before I got there.
The dude who came out and spoke to the crowd several times kept pronouncing the author’s name wrong and I wanted to yell, “It’s Uh-GUS-ten, you ass! Show some respect for the greatest author of our time!” He did it like three times. Incredible.
I read half of the new book before Augusten Burroughs took the stage. I will not try to describe it, as I would fail miserably.
As I read, the seats filled up behind me. Once they were all taken, a line began to form in the back. This is part of what it looked like:
I’m guessing there were minimally 300 more people standing in line at the back. We were allowed to bring as many as TEN books for autograph purposes, which seemed a bit much to me. I’m not crazy about people taking advantage of my Augusten like that.
Promptly at 7:00 the star of the show came around from the back and took the stage. And this is what he looked like:
Beautiful, indeed. But then I love him a ridiculous amount.
At times his voice shook a bit. He was very nervous and mentioned it up front. This is the first time he’s written a book that’s not intended to be funny, not at all. He read a chapter and took a few questions from the audience. He gave very long answers, quite entertaining.
One of the subjects mentioned had to do with the fact that the press appears to be out to turn every memoirist into a liar, particularly since the whole James Frey incident. As I search the internet today I’m sick to see that the average moron apparently feels free to question and mock Augusten’s authenticity. Motherfuckers.
I had a question, but was too nervous to ask it. I would like to know how he handles the schizophrenic experience of being a little boy who received very little attention or love, then a man who so many complete strangers adore beyond all reason. It has to be weird. And difficult.
My own personal dislike of intimacy makes me cringe, just thinking about it.
Since I was in the front row, when he began to autograph books I was one of the first 15 people in line.
I could probably write 5,000 words per day easily, yet I am a verbal idiot. There was not a single appropriate thing I could think of to say during my 30 seconds with my author hero.
I am completely embarrassed that by the time I was about fourth in line I began to cry. How fucking hideous is that?
When my time came I mumbled, “I love you, Augusten,” as tears streamed down my face. I don’t know if he even heard it. He looked at me with questioning eyes, like “What the fuck?” Only it was a very nice “What the fuck?” I’m sure I’m not the first or last to exhibit such insipidly stupid behavior in his presence.
I can’t exactly put my finger on a specific thing that makes me feel this way. My favorite of his essays is called Tiny Crucifixions. My favorite of his books is entitled Dry. After viewing the movie Running With Scissors I was depressed for days, his experience is all so real to me, crazy as it is.
I adore the story of how a locksmith came into his apartment and thought he’d been robbed because of the mess inside, leading him to finally deal with his alcoholism and write his first book in a week’s time.
I cry for his best friend/lover Pighead, who died of AIDS. I completely identify with his love of Dennis, his partner, as their relationship reminds me so much of my own. The before and the after.
*****
As I walked back through the crowd I felt a little stupid, my tears were noticeable and initiated a few giggles as I took off for the escalator. A middle-aged chick showing her hormones right there on her face.
Aw, fuck it. Augusten is my Beatle, he’s my John, Paul, George & Ringo all rolled into one.
It was great.
April 30, 2008 at 3:07 pm
I love him, too. And I feel a kinship to him similar to how (I think) you feel as well.
I can’t wait to read the new book.
Ah, Becky, is there anything about you I don’t like? I don’t think so!
April 30, 2008 at 5:18 pm
I do think you have his name mispronounced in your head. In one of his books he says that it’s pronounced like the girl’s name, “Augustine” with the emphasis on the first syllable. I remembered that and also remember watching the movie with my mom and when they pronounced his name, “AuGUSten” we both looked at each other and said “they’re saying his name wrong.” So there is some misconception there.
Anyway, I think it’s great that you got to meet him and have him sign your book. I have liked him since reading Running With Scissors before anyone knew who he was. I read Dry before I went to rehab myself, so there were parts in there that I could relate to in some ways. I do think he’s an awesome person and a great writer.
Nope. If you check any of his interviews linked to his website they all pronounce it this way, and I even put my CD from Possible Side Effects on so I could hear the pronunciation, which was “AuGUSten” — plus, he was very involved in the movie’s production. My assumption was that the Barnes & Noble dude was just some guy who didn’t particularly know each and every author or find it important to confirm the pronunciation.
Finally I find it after a full hour’s search, page 40 of Running With Scissors:
“Hello,” the hunchback said to me. “You must be Augusten. Am I pronouncing your name right? Uh Gus Ten, isn’t that right?”
April 30, 2008 at 6:56 pm
Pam -
When you say “Books are my first love, my thing, … I love words and he uses them in indescribable ways, fantastic ways. He’s captured my heart & head, all in one, which is nearly impossible” - I get this tug at my heart.
I think maybe the source of your tears is from that spot in our hearts left open by painful childhoods. No matter how much armor we put on, if we think that someone really gets it, the very thought of being understood is overwhelming.
Anyway - I love what you wrote and how you wrote it and the question you wanted to ask. Important stuff.
April 30, 2008 at 7:23 pm
You inspired me to see if one of my favorite authors, Dave Sedaris, would be visiting LA any time soon and guess what? He is! Thank you for reminding me about these kind of events!
April 30, 2008 at 8:10 pm
Hmmm… Why did he say it was pronounced like the girl’s name then? I swear I read that. I remember that when I read it I HAD been saying it the way you said it and thought that was wrong. Strange.
Go here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BIZsYGxXHis&feature=related and you will hear him say his own name. Can you tell I have detective-like obsessive-compulsive tendencies?
April 30, 2008 at 9:07 pm
Do not be ashamed of your emotional outbursts. They stem from a place inside where we feel things rather than rationalize them. It is a good thing!
Shame on those people at the signing for making you feel bad. They were wrong….so wrong.
Yeah, regardless of the pronunciation thing ( I thought Au-gustin ( emphasis on first syllable like birdpress said) he is an amazing talent. Glad you got to be there!
Thank you for commenting!
Go here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BIZsYGxXHis&feature=related and you will hear Augusten pronounce his own name!
May 1, 2008 at 9:59 am
He is one of my all time favorite authors. I envy that you got to see him live and in person!
I expect this kind of great taste in someone as quick-witted and charming as Catherinette:’
May 1, 2008 at 10:45 am
I must admit that I have never read any Augusten Burroughs books.
Since my first son was born,three years ago, I think I have read about four books total. (Sort of ashamed to admit that–
But he sounds like a fascinating writer. (Memoir is my favorite genre, regardless of the controversy that seems to surround it) Which book do you recommend to start reading first?
Because you have small children and not a lot of time, I might start with a book called “Possible Side Effects,” just because the stories are short and easy to jump from one to another. “Sellevision” is fiction and a great read. “Running With Scissors” documents his pre-teen years and adolescence, then he moves on to the book “Dry,” which is my favorite of all. “Magical Thinking” is another book of essays, which can be read in small blocks of time.
I hope you like him
May 2, 2008 at 2:35 pm
I have no idea who he is but I plan to find out.
I have been brought to tears by experiences that I dreamed of and looked forward to and were magical and were all I had hoped they would be.
I have also been brought to tears unexpectedly by events that were surprisingly moving.
I believe it shows you are actually in the moment, aware of how special it is, while it is happening.
And I totally agree with fivehusbands: “No matter how much armor we put on, if we think that someone really gets it, the very thought of being understood is overwhelming.” And I feel that way about you.
(p.s. Emotion makes some people uncomfortable and they giggle. Sounds like a personal problem [theirs] to me.)
And with this, I have a new ‘favorite ever’ comment
May 3, 2008 at 1:23 pm
Soooooooooooooo jealous.
He’s in the middle of a media tour, so you might be able to catch him somewhere nearby! Good luck
May 3, 2008 at 6:34 pm
O.K. I went to the old B&N and came away with Running With Scissors.
They didn’t have Possible Side Effects . . .so I’ll have to hit up Amazon.
(I wanted a book to read today, dammit!!–
So I had to do Barnes and Noble.
I can’t put the book down . . .
I think I am completely annoying The Silent Husband . . .
I love the last line of that! And now I’m very nervous, hoping you’ll love the book.
May 3, 2008 at 8:12 pm
I missed the Barnes and Noble signing in New York and I was really sad. I was excited to find out he has another event in New York at Bryant Park on May 21st. I’m so there!
It should be absolutely great, a spring day in New York City
May 5, 2008 at 10:52 am
okay, umm .. ive never heard of him, but your post intrigues me deeply so i’ll check him out.
May 15, 2008 at 9:46 am
I am going to the book signing today in Chicago and I am trying to think of something to say before I go but I’m stumped. I really just want to be like “you’re the best since sliced bread” but thats weird… So any suggestions? Anything you’d say if you’d thought about it before hand?
Sorry, I think I’m too late for this comment. Did you think of something? I’m anxiously anticipating your comments on how it went . . .