Twisted Family Antics

We travel to NYC several times a year.  So I was really dismayed yesterday when I read in the New York Post that a specialist in bed bugs has actually seen these little freaks sitting on wooden benches throughout the city, especially in the subway.  I’d rather take home six mice or an insect-free homeless man.

Bed bugs are the worst.  Many of you probably know this already, but they are an epidemic in this country right now.  The Tropicana hotel in Atlantic City had to be closed to wipe out an infestation.  It’s nearly impossible to get rid of them.

Fortunately, we don’t do the subway too often, anyway.

The first time I ever made the attempt was with my friend Linda, we were both 19 and had on jackets loudly proclaiming “Illinois State University” on the back.  We asked for directions from a transit cop who totally blew us off until we turned to walk away.  He yelled, “WHOA, COME BACK HERE!”  Then he proceeded to give us the little yellow bus lowdown necessary when speaking to a slow, plodding midwestern girl on her first trip to the city, her eyes to the sky and mouth hanging open.

Two years ago I was there again with my mother, brother and nephew, and Mom was feeling particularly cheap. 

Here we are, what a duo:

 

Once she’d worked her way down about 150 steps into the bowels of the universe on a summer day, temperature in the subway at least 120, we switched our mode of transportation.  The subway in the summer is one of the smelliest places on earth.

To top it off, I didn’t hold on when the train began moving and took a nose dive down the middle of the aisle.  When I looked sideways I was face to face with the sole of a man’s shoe and could see the inside palate of his mouth as he laughed out loud.  I hit with the force of a rhino.  How dirty do you think a subway train floor might be?

Here Mom is with my brother.  On this particular trip George W. Bush was in town and there were no taxis to be had, not anywhere.  The poor dude driving the bike weighs about 150 and Mom and Jim top out at over 500 combined:

 

I love that there is a McDonald’s sign in the background.

We took a tour bus on that trip, covering both downtown and Harlem.  The guide was a German woman who kept shushing us.

We’ve done some spectacularly fun stuff.  At the top of the list I would include riding a 7-man circular bike from Times Square to Penn Station on a very busy evening, flying down 7th Avenue:

http://www.conferencebike.com/index.html

Here we are:

The dude in the middle steers and everybody pedals.  It was hard to keep up cause my nephew, I think, was hoping we’d hit 70 mph.  We did make our train, but I was very embarrassed when I frantically yelled to the train conductor, “Please wait!  We’ve got old people with us!”  My uncle was not entertained.  He just recently had full knee replacement surgery.

We’ve paid for lots of taxis for tired girls on birthday outings:

Exhaustion is inevitable when you’re playing the part of the Statue of Liberty in Times Square:

Here’s my sister-in-law way too close to a stop light, when we took a ride on top a doubledecker bus.  The lights whiz toward your head and it’s totally freaky:

Another day we had the kids with us, their feet got tired, so my friend and I both hired bicycles to take us to Serendipity 3, past the park:

It was pretty frightening when the trucks and buses rushed past us.

We’ve had some fun times on the train:

The top photo are my sister-in-law, brother-in-law and daughter; the bottom photo is my aunt and uncle, who will be visiting again for graduation.

The train can get a little slow and boring.  Except for when I woke up with a guy’s hand on my leg, kicked his seat, broke it, and sent his ass flailing onto the aisle floor.

Probably my favorite way into the City is by ferry, directly underneath the Brooklyn Bridge.  Unfortunately your hair will be standing on end the rest of the day, but it’s worth it.

When all else fails, a ride through Central Park in a horse and buggy, plus a portrait:

I’ve always wanted to lie on the rocks in the park, as if I’m dead in a CSI or Law & Order episode.  Just a quick pose for a picture.

Maybe next trip.